Buckle up. You're in for a long read but I guarantee you an entertaining and mind blowing revelation about yourself. Yes.. that's true and before you finish reading this article you'll be convinced that: "You are an Addict also"... Now, read what Bro Bo has to say about this:
"..All of us agree that alcoholism, drug addiction, and compulsive gambling are serious forms of addictions. But I’m sure that most of us reading this article don’t have these more obvious addictions. But what about hidden addictions? They too destroy our life and the lives of our loved ones…
Here’s a list of common hidden addictions that harm us…
Do You have a Hidden Addiction?
· “I eat compulsively”
This is the Number One way we try to feel better. I know of someone who eats at the slightest discomfort of life. If she’s angry, she eats. If she’s depressed, she eats. If she’s anxious, she eats. The truth however is that she isn’t really hungry for food. She is hungry for something else. Unless she sees this, she will continue snacking and pigging out, endangering her health.
· “I eat too much sweets, ice cream, chocolates”
I listed this separately just to impress upon you that chocolates is the Number One “Quick Fix” that people crave for when they are going through painful emotions. When a choco-addict feels hurt, or sad, or angry, or worried, she’ll spontaneously reach for her stash of choco bars. She has them on her desk, in the Ref, on her bedside table, and in her bag—for those “just in case” emergencies. Again, there’s nothing wrong with sweets. (I love dark chocolate and ice cream.) But in excess, it’s harmful. More importantly, you won’t address the real, deep hunger inside you if you keep popping candies in our mouth.
· “I go yo-yo dieting”
A few years ago, my friends were crazy about the “After Six” diet. And then, “Atkins” took over the dieting crowd. Soon, “No Carb!” became the battle cry of millions of women. After that, “South Beach” conquered the world by storm. (My friend says that he’s into the “North Park” diet. For a moment, I thought he was serious, until I realized that his favorite Chinese restaurant was named North Park.)
Personally, I don’t believe in quick diets. I believe in changing one’s eating habits permanently. I believe in changing one’s lifestyle forever—not just for 10 days or 30 days or 3 months. That means eating right and exercise.
By the way, the thin-like-a-broomstick super models found in Fashion magazines comprise only 3% of the world’s population. So I presume 97% of those reading this article have a body structure that resembles clunky vacuum cleaners rather than broomsticks. And it’s okay! You see, the goal is not to look like these super models and weigh less. The goal is to love your body (no matter what body structure you have) and be healthy inside and out. If you don’t watch it, dieting can be an addiction, and its severe form is the next item I’ll discuss.
· “I starve myself”
I met a young girl who was exceedingly thin. She was so thin, she could stand sideways and be invisible. Yet when I talked to her, she told me, “Uncle Bo, I’m so fat!” She grabs her reed-like arm, touches non-existent fat, and says, “See?” This young woman has Anorexia Nervosa. Starving herself (to death) is the only way she can control her seemingly uncontrollable life. Bulimia on the other hand is when a person gorges himself with food and vomits it all out. I know of others who are addicted to dieting pills and are harming their bodies.
· “I shop too much and have buying binges”
Lots and lots of women shop to feel better. They feel happy, beautiful, and alive when they buy a new shoe, a new stocking, a new blouse, a new perfume, a new watch… But if this is done repetitively and excessively, it’s a destructive habit. Do you want to know if you’re a shopaholic? Check your house. Is it full of stuff that you don’t use? Count how many shoes you have. Do you have 30 pairs that you haven’t used in a year? Do you have as many bags that you also haven’t used in a year? Many people are drowning in debt because they can’t control their shopping. In reality, deep within, a shopaholic isn’t looking for “something”. There’s an emptiness that can’t be filled up by a dress, a scarf, a bracelet, or a new pair of high heels. Ultimately, they’re looking for something they can’t buy.
· “I compulsively smoke”
Today, I see a lot of young people sitting in Coffee Shops—but instead of sitting inside where there’s air-conditioning, they sit outside under the sweltering heat of the Philippine sun—because they want to smoke. Isn’t that absurd? Today, I also see young people standing outside their offices during their breaks—again underneath the hot sun and breathing in the pollution of our smoke-belching buses—because they want to smoke. I tell you, it’s illogical. But like the golfer in my story above, addicts don’t think logically anymore. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world today. It’s a chemical that gets into your brain and at the first inhale, fights fatigue, suppresses appetite, and lifts your mood. It’s been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that smoking can cause lung cancer, painful emphysema, bad breath, ugly teeth, dark lips, but to a smoker, who cares?
· “I get angry, yell too often, and throw temper tantrums”
For a rage-aholic, anger is his all-around tool. He uses it for every situation. It’s the only tool he knows how to use. When he’s afraid, he gets angry. When he’s worried, he gets angry. When he’s sad, he gets angry.
I compare anger to a hammer. Using anger for everything is as silly as using the hammer for sewing a shirt, drawing water, healing a wound, and cooking food. It simply won’t work. If you need to sew a shirt, you need a needle, not a hammer. If you need to draw water, you need a pail, not a hammer.
Because of this, anger-addicts are ineffective parents, spouses, friends, and business partners. Some of them argue too much, pick petty fights, and leave a trail of broken relationships. Others are more quiet and demure outside their homes because they bottle up their anger with their friends and in their workplace, but unleash their toxic anger on their kids.
· “I complain a lot”
It’s a silly bad habit. (But come to think of it, what bad habits aren’t silly?) You fill the room with your negativity. More importantly, you fill your life with negativity. And it attracts more of it, so you multiply the stuff you can complain about. Believe me, no one would like to be with a complainer except fellow complainers.
· “I worry too much”
God gave us the ability to panic for emergency situations where we need to act quickly. But for a worry-addict, almost every situation is an emergency situation. So throughout the day, she’s in constant panic mode. If the anger-addict person uses the hammer for everything, the worry-addict uses a needle for everything. She “needles” every situation, looking for what may go wrong, always imagining how everything will go wrong. And because our fears are powerful, we end up creating the imaginary monsters into existence.
· “I drink too much coffee (or cola).”
I know a human being (yes, he’s a human being) who drinks 10 cups of coffee every single day. My other friend drinks 6 cans of diet cola every single day. Because it’s diet, she argues that it’s no longer bad for her. I told her that because she’s drinking too much artificial sweeteners, she may end up with artificial diabetes. I was kidding, but I still think it’s not a wise thing to do.
· “I sleep too much”
Naps are great for your health. But you know, sleep has become an addiction. Usually, too much sleep is a sign of depression or being overwhelmed by our problems. These people don’t want to wake up in the morning. And during the day, they want to crawl back in bed, under their covers, shielding themselves from the seemingly hostile world around them.
· “I watch too much TV”
Telenovelas should be watched in moderation. But the problem is that Telenovelas are designed to be addicting. They always end with great cliff-hangers: The child will finally know who his real father is, or the young woman will now find out if she’s pregnant or not, or the man will finally meet the man who killed his mother 20 years ago…
Studies suggest that if you sit down in front of the TV set for 3 hours each day instead of spending time with your spouse or your kids or other endeavors, there is a probability that one is addicted. (I’m talking of normal, active people who have jobs, families, etc., not aged, bedridden, or sick people.) Another sign that you may be addicted is if you have a fantasy relationship with some stars you watch on TV. This is normal for kids, but not very normal for adults.
· “I clean the house compulsively”
I know a mother who cleans her house the way nuns clean their convents, except that she does the work of 15 nuns all by herself.
When I visited her home, I discovered everything was polished, sparkling, and perfectly clean. I wondered if germs thought twice of stepping on her floor because it was too clean.
She’d spend the entire day scrubbing floors, washing curtains, dusting furniture, and picking up after her kids.
Everything was in order. Even the kids had to be clean and pretty all day. (I pitied the kids.) Why was she like this? Because if the house wasn’t perfect, she felt people will talk against her. Bottom line, she was a very insecure person. In reality, I felt that she wanted to clean something inside her, but couldn’t, so she just went about cleaning her house instead.
· “I compulsively lust”
One day, a young father of two kids confessed to me that he watches 2 to 3 hours of internet porn a day. He says he has to wake up at 1am, while his wife was sleeping, to watch his pornography. “I hate it, Bo. I hate what it’s doing to me. I wake up groggy the next day and curse myself for doing it. But I can’t seem to stop…” I told him, “I know exactly what you feel. I experienced that too, except that back in my day, we had no internet. I would wake up at 1am to open my porn magazines. If I had none, I would walk out on the streets and search for them.” But I told him that I got out of it, and so can he. Anyone can. This is the reason for this 8-Part series of articles.
· “I work too hard”
Working hard is good. But when your family and your health suffer, you automatically know that it’s an addiction. The problem with workaholism is that it’s rewarded. People pat us on the back and tell us that we’re dedicated, loyal, and industrious. We get bonuses. We get promoted.
Let me tell you a very sad story. There was one popular Christian leader who travelled the world expanding his ministry for the poor. One day, his wife called him up and said, “Come home immediately. Your daughter committed suicide.” Thankfully, it was a failed attempt. But instead of going home that day, he instead went to Vietnam to continue his ministry work. A few years later, that daughter committed suicide again—and succeeded. This Christian leader died years later, fired by his own ministry leaders, estranged from his wife and children. His mistake was that he was addicted to his work.
· There are many other hidden addictions.
Compulsive gossip. Phone calls every hour of the day. Daily trips to the beauty parlor. Even religious addiction—for people whose families are breaking apart because they spend their entire time in church. Etcetera..."
By this time, you are now convinced that you are an addict also in some way. But the bigger question is, how are we going to get rid of our "addictions in life?" In Problem Solving method, understanding the reason behind the problem is the first step to solving the problem. And
that is what I promise to share you in my next blog. Watch out for it soon...
".. at the end of the day, that’s what life is all about... I’ve realized that if you fail in your relationships, you fail in life.”
